I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
where are you?
Hypothermia
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
