My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
