it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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