What a fucking waste of an outfit
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
third nipple confirmed
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
