the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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