You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
