Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
