Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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