so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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