you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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