I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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