Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
