Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
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