I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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