you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Randomize
