I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I am midnight drunk by noon
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
