how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
