Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
