Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
