he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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