I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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