I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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