I didn't shave. On purpose
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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