that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
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