Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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