3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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