My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
