it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
