I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
