u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
