shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
