That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
