My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
