My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
