soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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