1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
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