mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
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