Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
