alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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