In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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