My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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