My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
