I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I'm too high and old for this...
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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