Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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