I just gift wrapped bread.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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