Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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