Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we're making bets on your personal life
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
