She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
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