My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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