My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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