i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
